I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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