filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
