she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
