you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
