That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm at about main and main street
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
