if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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