Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
