I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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