be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
