tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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