I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
