wat bout pragnant strippers??
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
