omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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