Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
