chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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