You made me cry and you don't even care
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
