Where is the hickey?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
