Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
