I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I want is dick and wine.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
