trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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