btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Rumble strips road head = magical
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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