Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
don't judge my taste in strippers
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
