If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
