Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
