everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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