just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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