I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
