Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sober January is a disaster.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
