God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
