Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
