remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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