So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
