I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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