Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
