super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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