with your own penis?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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