is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
