There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
