GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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