I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
