hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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