Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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