I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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