I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
