She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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