you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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