Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize