he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
