I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
