He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
