Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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