Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
