I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
