I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
