somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
