a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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