when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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