i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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