had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
