You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
