According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
