Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
