THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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