we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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