we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
