brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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