I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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