I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
