i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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