Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
