Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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