Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
