I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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